Claudia May, PhD
Spiritual Director

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My Personal Journey

Despite all my best, and sometimes unintentional, efforts to sabotage my interactions with God, my relationship with him is by-and-large an honest one. And yet, God and I often laugh about how much I don’t share with him! I am constantly amazed that nothing is too small or big or trivial or mundane for God to handle. He takes on my concerns. He erases my worries. I can ask him as many questions as I like. Like Job, I can “argue with God” (Job 13:3*). He cares about what troubles me. I find myself saying to God, “Really? You want me to share this aspect of my life with you?” or “God, you really don’t mind me talking about this situation or asking for your help on this matter?” God always answers, “Come, my beloved, share your heart with me.” Transparency is key to fostering a deep relationship with God.

 

Day by day, moment-by-moment, I am learning to trust God. By no means would I say that I have arrived. A dear elder prays a prayer that informs my daily walk. She asks God to help her to “never be un-teachable”. I am learning to be teachable. Sometimes I am triumphant, and other times I fail spectacularly. Still, God reaches out to me, listens to me, comforts me, forgives me, and yes sometimes reprimands me, but through it all, his love carries me through all the joys and trials I experience.

 

I am grateful that God is not a gossip. Through Jesus, I talk to God about my concerns, joys, desires, sorrows, and troubles. I am thankful that he never puts me on hold, or taps his feet while I am talking, or bullies me and tells me to hurry up because he has other matters to deal with. Nor does he tell me that I am wrong to feel what I feel. I know I am loved even when I don’t always feel loved. In this, God continues to amaze me.

 

Jesus’ willingness to converse with all kinds of people inspires me. His ability to reference the most unlikely of people to teach the disciples about the love and wisdom of God encourages me to follow his example.



* New Revised Standard Version